Valentines Day is tomorrow. Actually in 40 minutes. I don’t know if you have someone to spend it with, but I don’t want to ask. I’ll miss you a lot and I’ll probably see lots of things that I wish we could do. I try not to care about other couples, but it gets to me sometimes. I hate seeing people do things that we used to do, and they look all happy and in love. A part of me wants you to have a fine day tomorrow, whether you do something special or not. Another part of me hopes you have a terrible day so that you can miss me too. I don’t mean to think that way but I always will. I just want you back. I don’t want you in anybody else’s arms ever and it really irritates me to know that I can’t control you. I’ve tried really hard to get you to come back, but now I’m only repeating myself over and over. You don’t want to hear it or talk about it, when that’s all I want to do. It hurts because I know we could fix everything in a couple of days, but you don’t want to do anything. I don’t want you to be done with me. I need you to stay here & fix everything and you won’t. I can’t stand it and I want to change it so bad. I don’t like being this way at all. Everything is bad for me when you’re not here, but things are probably better or you and I wish it didn’t work out that way. I want you to need me, but you don’t. I could never talk to you again and you’d never strike up a conversation with me. I sound ridiculous all the time waiting for you to say the simplest of words to me. I just don’t like this and I never have good days anymore and you’re always on my mind. But I’m upset if I try not to think of you and I’m upset when I do. I read our old conversations and see how happy we both were and how caring and loving we were towards each other and then I think of us now and we’re the complete opposite. Since we met we’ve told each other everything and we were best friends and then when we were dating everything got better. Nobody knows me like you do and I hate how much everything changed, like you’re not even here anymore. I don’t know what I’m holding onto exactly but I couldn’t let someone who makes me so happy go. You are everything I want. I don’t know anyone like you. Things are only getting worse between us. I can’t imagine how you’re okay with any of this while I freak out about it 24/7 and it just makes me think you didn’t love me even half of how much I love you. I can’t do anything. I want to be with you all the time. Even when you’re sad or angry or whatever mood you’re in. I want to share all your experiences with you and just everything else. I don’t know how I’ll get through this. I want you more and more everyday. It kind of worries me how I don’t hate you by now. You have caused me an unbelievable amount of pain. I feel like I have to have you. I don’t care if everything else I had was gone. I can’t decide if that’s selfish. I don’t want it to be. I hurt my own self by doing stupid things like sending emails or DM’ing you. Sometimes I hope that certain days you’ll have a change of heart and decide to come back to me. I hope too much and I know that but I can’t stop. I do it every day, even when I don’t realize it. I tell you I love you and that I miss you, already knowing you won’t say anything back. I feel like I’m going insane. You’re the only thing I want. Just 1.
Missing you is never fun.
